Tell Her I said So

[lisa]

Aug 31, 2010 11:51:54 GMT -5 orangehouseborn said:

This is a brilliant song about the often neglected nursing home life of the elderly. While none of the band members are quite old enough to have to be in a nursing home, it does make us wonder why we allow ourselves to neglect the living... at any age. Please be kind to the elderly as they have the same life frequency as a child or a middle aged person. James cares.

Not sure how to take this. The picture painted in the song is very different to my, albeit limited, experience of nursing homes.

My nan went into a nursing home in June having been in hospitals since March. Prior to that, she'd holed herself up in her room for six months after having a fall out of bed. She refused to even consider going into a home, and at 90yrs old she said she'd rather throw herself down the stairs than do that. She only just about agreed to a carer coming in once a day. Nan near enough stopped eating and drinking because that means going to the toilet, which means getting out of bed or suffering the indignity of having an 'accident'. My parents were spending their retirement up there, proof indeed that she needed permanent care, but the stubborn sod wouldn't have it.

We effectively lost her up there. Before that fall shortly after her 90th, she was unbelievably active. Stripping wallpaper and moving furniture, always baking and gardening.

This lack of eating and drinking eventually brought on vascular dementure. The final fall in March led to her being taken to hospital, and eventually (around May) it was agreed that she didn't have the mental capacity to make decisions for herself hence couldn't turn down a nursing home. Only a few months earlier, she had 'passed' a mini-mental test as she could tell the social worker anything she asked about the 1940s, despite the fact that she couldn't recognise her great-grandchildren.

In the nursing home, she enjoyed three 'meals' a day, attemtion, her own space, assisting with care and various entertainment and activities. It was only when she was found unresponsive and tests showed her anaemia was gradually shutting her body down that she has been bed-ridden.

She's receiving terminal care from the nursing staff. Pain relief and comfort is all we/they can do now. Two weeks ago we, as a family, we asked to arrange a funeral director. She's still hanging on God love her. Nothing else can be done. I visit 3 times a week, sometimes she doesn't know me, sometimes she asks very relevant questions and sometimes she thinks I'm someone else.

She is living, but we have not "neglected" her by putting her in a nursing home. We've made her comfortable, which is all anyone can ask when you see your nearly-91 year old Nan move from a relatively healthy, spritely chatterbox into a 6 stone bag of bones whose body is slowly but surely shutting down.

[tonyk]

That is such a moving story, in many ways very similar to my mum's. She passed away peacefully eighteen months ago aged 94 having spent four bedridden years in a care home following a fall.

The good thing is that she seemed happier in that home than at almost any previous time in her life. I'm not saying it was all bliss, but she absolutely reveled in the attention she received from the staff, to her she was being treated like royalty. They in turn loved her wicked humour despite her occasional embarrassing lapses into racism.

Naturally she spent much of her time asleep but during her short waking spells, despite increasing dementia, was perfectly content reading the paper or watching her beloved blackbirds and robins through the window.

The most wonderful thing for me was that I happened to be beside her holding her hand when she finally passed away. Needless to say it was a shock and very emotional at the time (despite the fact it had been very much on the cards for several weeks), but looking back I have the precious memory of being able to comfort her in her last moments, of feeling her hand grip mine even as she was breathing her last.

So my hope for you lisa is that when the time comes you too can be beside your nan for her last moments.

[volumedistorted]

Touching stories and quite nice to think that there is comfort to be had at the end.

I find it quite a positive song - a person saying "so long" now their life's run it's course.

Lyrics:

Here's to along life x8

For the end I'm in a home
All my freinds have long since gone
The staff are cold, the rules are rules
how can children be so cruel
If I could I'd leave I wouldn't stay
Never thought it would end this way

Death is welcome,
why'd she wait? - tell her I said so!

Tell her I said so x3

Out the window seasons change
Here inside it's all the same
With the snow the birds have flown - tell her I said so!

Tell her I said so x3

We all pray for longer life
longer life spent in some home
Home's a word, cuts like a knife
No-one chooses to grow old

put your mark upon my door
I dont play here anymore
This delay is just a bore - tell her I said so!

Tell her I said so x4

Here's to a long life x 6

Here's to a life that's lived
So long

Here's to a long life x 6

Here's to a life that's lived
So long

Here's to a long life x 6

Here's to a life that's lived too long